These days it seems like I have so many thoughts and questions and concerns playing on a loop in my head that it's difficult to narrow them down to something reader-worthy. I don't believe that the world is any more of a scary place than it was thirty years ago, but it sure feels like it recently. And with the advent of social media, we now know everybody's opinion on said horrors, which is sometimes even more scary than the events themselves. Some days, a quick glance at my newsfeed turns into a spiral of despair over violence, hatred, apathy, and the approval of these things by people I actually know. Certainly we are not the first generation to fear what the future holds for their children, but it doesn't make the fear any less potent.
I wish that I had something new or relevant or important to say about those fears, but I'm afraid my thoughts settle into the same track as many other parents. I've been on a bit of a dystopian reading kick of late, and suddenly, with conservatives desperately trying to chip away at a woman's right to birth control, books like Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale don't seem so far-fetched. I fear for my daughter's future as a woman in a country where more and more it seems like to call yourself a Christian woman, you must also label yourself a second class citizen. I realize that we are meant to be in-the-world-but-not-of-it, but that doesn't mean we are supposed to be different just for the sake of difference, which is what most of the anti-feminist vitriol feels like. When did a woman having the same rights and status and pay as a man become a sinful, worldly idea? And how do I teach my little girl to navigate these ignorant prejudices without becoming bitter and resentful toward her fellow believers?
These are heavy thoughts for a Tuesday morning sans caffeine. I want to write about funny things, interesting writer things, amazing books I've read, but alas, my mind is stuck in this frustrating web of thoughts that just won't release me. With all that's happened in the past week (yes, I know the loss of a cat seems small in comparison to world-sized issues, but just deal with it, ok) to me personally and add in horrors like what's been going on in Paris, the inadequate Ebola response, and the slaughter of hundreds and maybe thousands in Nigeria, it's difficult to focus on my reading and writing. I must pray more. For those around me, yes. For those who are far away and unknown to me, yes. For those who make our country seem small and ignorant, yes. For those who work tirelessly to make America a better place for everyone, yes. For my precious little girl who has not yet learned to edit herself or doubt herself or fear, yes.